The Week That Was
Let us start with a quick recap of this week as usual. This week started pretty okay, not that eventful other than some socializing, work, and movies. I watched this beauty of a movie called Hi Nanna. It is a movie about relationships, Father-Daughter as well as that between a Husband and wife. The movie had beautiful twists and turns and amazing acting from all the cast involved. It is highly recommended. Other than that we went for a Dino Fest in Parramatta Park, which was fun for Skylar. We had a bit too many social commitments this week, so had to say No to some engagements. We were initially worried about how it would be perceived, but then realized it better to say No instead of committing which we might not be able to fulfill.
This is what brings us to the topic of today’s newsletter, Power of Saying No. So read on to know more.
The Power Of Saying No
No, it is not just a word but a complete sentence by itself, but not something people like to hear.
When you hear this sentence what is the first thought that comes into your mind?
For many it is denial and negativity. Denial to provide something, and negativity to things around us.
For me ‘No’ is a sign of control and power. It signifies the strength to decide for oneself. It is way easier to say Yes to things, but it is a No that truly shows your character.
It is only the weak who are scared of saying No because they fear what happens next.
Power Of No
The below scene from the movie ‘Rise Of The Planet Of Apes’ is the single greatest 30 seconds in cinematic history which shows the power of No. Please watch it to understand what I am going to say next.
After days of cruelty, taking shit from the handler, days of ridicule, pain, and suffering, Caesar decided ….it …was…enough. This scene shows that it takes power to say No, and that power leads to respect. You can see Caesar rising, towering over the handler, looking into the eyes of authority, and roaring ‘No’.
The power of Andy Serkis’ voice in this specific scene, in saying just one word ‘No’ shows more authority than anything I have ever seen.
Now go back to every moment in your life when you kept on taking shit from a superior, a partner, a neighbor, or anyone with more assumed power than you, for reasons like fear, love, or to avoid confrontation. Didn’t every Yes chip away a part of you, your confidence, your pride, your self-worth?
Do you agree saying No to nonsense gives you more confidence and power than being someone who only says yes to others?
Who would you respect more, someone who is always submissive and lets others walk all over them, or someone who takes a stand?
Does anyone respect a Yes man?
Yes Men
This world is full of Yes Men, show me a man who agrees to all that their superiors say, and I will show you a man who has suppressed their feelings and needs all their life, just to fit in. Show me someone who questions every task, and I will show you a leader worth the respect.
There is a reason that a person as incompetent as Donal J Trump is still a potential Republican candidate, the reason is a bunch of Yes Men all around him, who do not tell him his wrongs but just agree to everything he says. Such people are not beneficial to anyone, neither the American citizens whom he would be potentially governing in the future nor Trump himself in the absence of the right guidance.
Would you prefer being surrounded by Yes Men or people who dare to call a spade a spade?
For me the choice is obvious I would prefer to be surrounded by people who dare to question me, to tell me to my face when I am wrong. This world needs people who can look at a figure of authority right to its face and have the courage to say No when it matters.
People often agree to do things depending on who is requesting it. I think a better approach is to depend on the merit of the request, not just the merit of a person.
If your boss requests you to fudge accounting numbers, say No, but if the request is to review it ethically to get the best out of the situation, sure go ahead.
Other than the Yes Men, there are a bunch who always say yes because they are too kind, or too scared to be shunned by peers. Such people cannot say No because they do not want to hurt other’s feelings. I say to them, stop compromising your well-being to make sure others feel nice about themselves or you.
When I say people should say No, I do not mean to say No to everything. I mean saying No to anything illogical or, unkind, essentially No to anything that goes against your core values.
Say No But Don’t Be Unkind
Many might think that if someone asks you for something, saying no would be denying them a request that they trusted you with. I guess this is a good point to clarify what saying No truly means.
I am not asking you to say No to every single person who comes to you seeking help, or to all requests from a superior. In life you will often come across people who are genuine when they approach you for help, I am not asking you to deny it simply because you can, only deny it if you should.
Your Yes should not be forced, you should be truly willing to help this person out when you say Yes. This is different from the Yes Men who say Yes since they don’t have a choice. Say Yes only to ideas or requests which you want to genuinely follow through with.
Never be a people pleaser at the expense of your values.
Conclusion
Ifyou have read my old stories on Medium you would know that I am an advocate of being genuine.
Some may consider this selfish but the fact is I cannot genuinely help someone unless I wish to do so. I would rarely agree to do something that I don’t believe in. I am not a people pleaser and will call a spade a spade. I will go out of my way to help someone when I truly believe in the cause or the person, but at the same time if I do not believe in it I will call it out immediately. My Yes and my No are always intentional. If I say Yes to someone, rest assured I will follow through since it was not under duress, or to please someone.
In conclusion, I believe every decision you take in your life should be intentional. Your Yes should not be to please anyone but yourself, your No should be intentional and with a reason.
If you truly want to be respected or live a fruitful wholesome life, learn to say No.
Hope you liked this week’s newsletter and it helped you. I need to increase my audience for a greater reach, can you please be kind and share this post with a wider network of your friends for whom you think this might be helpful? Your support means a lot.
Hope you have a great year ahead.
See you again next week.
Till then
Jijo George